UnHappy Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is one of the most important holidays in The United States. At this day friends and family will gather, thanking for whatever they grateful about, have a feast that traditionally consists of turkey meat, raspberries sauce, cornbread, green beans casserole, different kinds of pies, etc. This tradition is kinda new for me. When I was in China, my husband and I would just go to a restaurant and buy a thanksgiving dinner meal. But since we moved to America, we celebrate it with my husband’s family.

Sorry, no pictures 😞

To be honest, I felt so depressed all day. I woke up in the middle of the night and cried. I felt stomach irritation because of my pain killers, I felt frustrated because this crazy pain circle has no ending. I woke up this morning still feeling depressed. I went to Walmart with my husband, I felt mad at him because he went to McDonald’s and bought breakfast and didn’t asked me whether I want breakfast or not, I felt being ignored. I felt depressed even more.

Otw to thanksgiving lunch, I told him that I think my birth control pills made me feel depressed. He said, “you already depressed and unhappy even before you started your birth control pills”. Which is true, I don’t deny it, but I think the BC makes it even worse. He said, “It will be good for you to learn how to drive and start to find a job, you’ll meet people and won’t feel depressed.” This sentence stabbed me on my open wound. If I didn’t have pain that crippled me in the first place, of course I will get a job. I have a Bachelors degree for God sake! He might not realize it when he said it, but what he said hurt me so much 😭 I’m crying while writing this…

Nobody wants to live like this!

It’s hard enough for me being unable to go anywhere by myself, unable to walk around by myself, unable to take bus everywhere I want, to go groceries store anytime I want. Don’t make a statement that sounds like I don’t have a job because I don’t want to. Would an employer hire someone that unable to work 2-5 days a month because of crippling pain?

I’m so hurt.

The next day update:

I feel better today, not emotional at all.

My husband brought me dinner last night after he visited his friend for thanksgiving. Well, he is a good husband after all. It just sometimes men do not think twice before they talk and women who has excess estrogen have a high sensitivity 😁

Now I could laugh about what happened yesterday 😜

Mod Pizza vs My Body

I went to Mod Pizza last night. I ordered a gluten-free pizza with mushroom, garlic, and vegetable toppings and dairy free cheese. It was soooo good! But unfortunately, my stomach didn’t like it. My stomach fell heavy sensation, it feels like someone scrapping my stomach lining, and I fell nauseous all night. I thought the symptoms occurred because I ate too much pizza. I drank 1 tbsp of olive oil before bed and put on my TENS unit on my stomach.

When I woke up this morning, I feel better. The stomach discomfort has gone and also the nausea. But then I ate the pizza leftovers for lunch, omg the pain came back after 15 minutes. I feel nauseous again. I don’t know what ingredients in that pizza that my body disagrees with 😞 Seriously, it was a gluten free, dairy free, veggies pizza!

I’m on my bed, again. I just drank 1 tbsp of olive oil, hopefully, it will neutralize the pain soon. I’m so tired of any kind of pain 😭

Back to Square One

I relapsed. I eat fry food, a little bit cheese here and there, sugary drinks, food additives, too little veggies, too much carbs, too much fish😞 It’s difficult not to eat the restricted food when you’re invited to dinner by family, almost every day. I started to loosen my diet restrictions, stop exercising , not even walking, and 2 months later I’m crying because of severe pain, short menstrual cycle, and feel depressed.

What I’ve done?! 😭😭😭

Mar 2018: PD1 – 7 Hours Battle

That’s me after battled intense pains for 7 hours straight. Diclofenac, Valerian root, Serrapeptase, Nattokinase, Turmeric, Magnesium, and massage, none of them helped with the pain. I could only be crying while watching The Big Bang Theory. Comedy usually helps to distract my attention from the pain, but not yesterday. I was so frustrated, I could only think about the pain >_<

I felt better around 6 PM, I took valerian root to relax my uterus’ muscles, it worked. Surprisingly I didn’t feel drowsy at all after that. I took Diclofenac+Pantoprazole after dinner to control the pain furthermore. Around 9:30 PM I took another Valerian root to help me sleep. It worked, I slept very soundly until the next morning.

One scary day has passed. Thank you my uterus for fighting alongside me with a great courage. We were suffering together yesterday. I promise toΒ eat less fish, do more yoga, and take the supplements on time. Let’s heal together _/||\_